


In One Hundred Ways

by Leonawriter



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: F/M, Gen, Short Stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-21 09:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 19,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1546481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonawriter/pseuds/Leonawriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I took a prompt meme and went with it. Each chapter/story is self-contained (unless stated otherwise). Some are AU, some are set in some vague future, some could be canon. They started out as small pairing ficlets, but now they're pretty much anything that goes with the prompt, although the pairings do crop still up from time to time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 67%

He leaned over to see the answers on her sheet better, not wanting to move the paper when she was still concentrating on it, and completely missing the slight blush she got from how close he was for a moment.

“You’re doing fine,” he said with an encouraging smile. “Only a couple more to go.”

She tapped her pencil lightly against the paper.

“I’m still sort of confused on that point there…  um, Yuki-chan? How much do I have to get right to pass, again?”

“Sixty-seven percent,” he said. “But it looks to me like you could do _better_ than that.”

“You… you think? Thanks, Yuki-chan! I couldn’t have got this far without your help!”

“I- um, it’s, ah… the next one! It’s…”

Hopefully, if she was focusing on the questions she wouldn’t notice that his face had gone pink.

...

AN: This one was requested by Squall.


	2. To the Fire

“C’mon, Izumo! Jump!”

Rin was on fire. No, he was _literally_ on fire. And he was telling her to _jump_ at him?

It was another one of those _trust_ things, wasn’t it? Well, either way, she wasn’t doing it.

She shook her head, and Rin scowled deeper.

“Look, Izumo! If you don’t jump, they’re gonna get you again! Trust me, I’m gonna catch you!”

And she could hear them. She could. But the _fire_ … what if Shiemi was wrong? It’d not burned that one time, but what about the others?

The sounds were getting closer.

“Izumo!”

She screwed up her face, sure she was going to regret this later, covered in burns or something, and _jumped_.

It… wasn’t burning. It wasn’t even _hot_. It was just… warm. Warm and wrapping around her, almost like the fire itself was trying to protect her.

And then the moment was over, because he’d grabbed a hold of her hand and he was running, dragging her after him and away from the danger.


	3. Hero

When she’d been little, it’d been a guilty pleasure to read those fairy tales about the hero that saved the day. She wanted to be like that, if only a little, and it was a flight of fancy to wonder if maybe one day someone would save _her_ from something evil.

She’d figured she wouldn’t need saving, back then. She’d figured that if something came up, she’d be big enough and tough enough to save herself.

And then other things happened, and she realised that no, she wasn’t strong enough, but also, she’d have to rely on herself, because heroes were for fairy tales, and fairy tales weren’t _real_.

That was before.

Now, she found herself really wishing they _were_.

It was _foolish_ , it was _stupid_ , and more than anything else it would put whichever idiot who tried in danger.

She wasn’t _worth_ that danger.

But then she heard rapid footsteps, running.

It _couldn’t_ be… right?

And then his head popped around the door, and he was filthy and grinning and he had blood stains all over him and his uniform was ripped in places. All in all, _not_ what she’d expected a hero to look like. Especially when his tail was waving excitedly from side to side at – she had to assume - having found her.

“Hey, Izumo! C’mon! We’re here to rescue you!”

He was an _idiot_ , that’s what he was.

Not a ‘hero’, damn it! An _idiot_.


	4. Broken Pieces

She sometimes wondered if she and Rin were the only ones who saw that Yuki-chan wasn’t always all right.

She’d hoped that their discussion in Amatsumihiko-sama’s lair had helped heal up whatever was wrong between Yuki-chan and Rin, too, since that seemed to be a big problem.

But then,  things didn’t seem like they were getting better, and Yuki-chan kept smiling, and pushing them away.

She watched him as he walked ahead of them, forcing herself to remember that he really was just the same age as the rest of them, and hoping that he wouldn’t fall apart when he had so many people to rely on.

But if he did… _if_ he did, she promised herself that she’d be there. To pick up the pieces. Because she felt that he needed someone to be there… and she’d tell him as much, but at the moment, she didn’t think he was ready to listen, and she wasn’t brave enough to say it to his face.


	5. Drive

“DRIVE! I don’t care where to, just- let’s get out of here!”

Izumo’s eyebrows shot up in both alarm and disbelief.

“What, already?! And- I don’t have a permit!”

“Doesn’t matter!” Rin jumped into the driver’s seat himself, regardless of the fact that he didn’t have a permit either, just as people started coming out of the shop he’d been in. “Let’s go!”

He put his foot down on the pedal and they started hurtling down the road at what, to Izumo at least, was an ungodly speed.

“The hell is going on?!”

“I…” They slowed to a halt behind a building some blocks away before he answered her properly instead of sending her guilty looks. “I might’ve… uh… let slip that I’m half demon in front of a Satanist book club or… something…”

She couldn’t believe it. She just. Could not. _Believe it_.

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding me.” His face said that he wasn’t. “And you do know you’re going to have to call your brother to come find us and explain why we might’ve been seen on security cameras, right?”

“What? That’s not fair!”

“You’re the one who did it, and you’re the one who drove. It’s _totally_ fair.”

...

AN: One aspect was partially inspired by an AU Squall has.


	6. Test

_Positive_.

All these years, all of these worries, and now… he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. The worst? Was this the worst, even, or was there worse to come?

_“…Ah. There has been some change, Okumura-kun. Nothing to worry about, but I will have to put the results in the report. Keep an eye out for any further changes, and tell me if anything else comes up.”_

He’d gone through classes in a daze.

 _Positive_.

She hadn’t said it as such. But it was closer to ‘positive’ than he’d ever been, and it… _terrified_ him.

“Yuki-chan?”

He stopped in his tracks, blinking, before remembering that Shiemi was now attending normal classes as well as the cram school.

 _Stupid._ He should have been paying more attention.

“I’m fine, Shiemi-san. It’s nothing to worry about.”

He winced, though, at realising he’d used the same term as the doctor.

“You don’t look all right, though, Yuki-chan! Are you sure you haven’t caught something? Maybe you should go to the nurse!”

He laughed at the irony, but it came out forced. “That’s… really not necessary, Shiemi-san. I’ve already been.”

“Oh. Then, what did they say? Is something wrong? If something’s wrong, then you should go home and rest, definitely! I’ll go and tell Rin, and we can make soup or something! And I- I could ask Suguro-kun to make sure your teachers know!”

He didn’t really have the heart to tell her that none of this was needed when she was in such a decisive and confident mood, and he didn’t have the courage to tell her _why_.

So he found himself being frogmarched back to the dorm in his lunch break and herded into bed, which didn’t exactly help cure the problem… but it did, if temporarily, help as a distraction.

He wondered, idly, whether certain kinds of herbs and grasses could push any changes back down, but… bringing that up would involve explaining why he wanted to know in the first place.

And besides, if it was going to happen, it probably couldn’t be avoided forever.

He’d just have to make sure that the time he did have between now and anything irreversible – either physically or that would make the Order suspicious – was used well, and wisely.


	7. Food

“…Nii-san, I’m not hungry. And that’s the last time I’ll be telling you that. I’m sure you have classes you’re behind in that you could be studying for instead of making me eat!”

Rin put the dish of food down as hard as he could onto the desk without making any of it spill, and stormed out of their room in the otherwise abandoned dorm, slamming the door behind him.

_‘I’m not hungry! I’m busy!’ Heh. Yeah, right. I could hear his stomach rumbling._

Well, serve him right if he wasn’t going to eat. The food was right there. It’d be his fault and not Rin’s if he ended up hungry and not thinking straight on some mission, or in class, or… some other thing.

When he came back in, Yukio had still barely touched the meal – if anything, it looked like he’d merely played about with it.

“Oi, Yukio. I don’t care how busy you say you are, next time you pull this I’m gonna find Shiemi and see if I can get her to force feed you while I hold you down, damn it.”


	8. Heaven

To Shiemi, heaven was a garden filled with all the flowers in the world.

Yukio had always liked that idea, although he’d always wondered whether they’d end up in the same place.

To him, Heaven had always seemed like this far-off idea, of where God stayed and sent forth his angels. As an exorcist, he knew that some of the things he often read didn’t make sense, but at the same time he worried. As the son of a demon, let alone Satan, would he be let in?

And if he was refused for no other reason than that, perhaps he could appeal to the Garden’s curator when he died, whenever that was – hopefully not too soon – and maybe he might meet Shiemi’s grandmother again.

Or, maybe, Shiemi herself would be the one looking after it by that point. Perhaps he would join her in that – it had to be big enough, and he’d heard that there were some flowers, in hard to reach places, that only flowered when a volcano had erupted, when such great heat had occurred… that some areas wouldn’t regrow until a forest fire had taken place.

Perhaps he would be welcome there after all.


	9. Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by Tarball, it focuses more on the twins than any pairing, thus being a slight mold-breaker. Oh well.

If Rin were being honest with himself, he should really have seen that something was wrong – okay, maybe not wrong, but _different_ about his brother, when they were kids.

He’d started pushing Rin away, and not accepting the idea of being protected, which Rin hadn’t been able to understand. Yukio was his little brother, and he always _would_ be.

Okay, so maybe he might have growing up tougher and stronger than he’d expected, but even now…

Still his little brother.

Some things would never change.

Some things, he wished they’d go back to being how they used to be. Not everything. Just _some_ things.

Most of all, he wanted Yukio to be able to rely on him without  being moody about it.


	10. Family

“That’s her, right? Tsukumo-chan?”

He went forward, holding out his hand.

“Nii-san!”

“Rin, don’t just-!”

He ignored everyone, though, and smiled at Izumo’s little sister like she was anyone else. Tsukumo looked up at him warily for a moment before darting a glance at her big sister to make sure that this was okay, all from behind her little toy fox mascot.

Izumo sighed, exasperated, but gave her a smile, because while Rin might be boisterous, he wouldn’t hurt anyone who wasn’t asking for it.

“H-hi…?”

“Hi, Tsukumo-chan! You’ve got a really cool big sister, you know that?”

Izumo could feel herself blushing, just slightly, and wished she could pretend it was anything else, but it was hard to be angry right then when everything was _okay_ again.

Especially when the comment made Tsukumo _smile_ , and nod, and _laugh_.


	11. Smile

She hated it when they smiled, but it felt like the feeling wasn’t behind it.

Most of all, she hated it when Yuki-chan or Rin did that, because she knew they were hurting the most.

It had been childish, to think that they were perfect, just because they always seemed so confident, just because they had always been the ones helping _her_.

It hurt, when Yuki-chan would let his guard down around her eventually and she’d see just how tired he was, just how much stress he was always being put under. But nowhere near as much as it would have hurt otherwise, if he hadn’t shared that at all.

More than anything, it meant that when he _did_ smile now, with her at least, she knew that it was real, and it would _always_ be real, and that he wouldn’t be pushing her away with it.

Instead, he’d be pulling her in.


	12. Hold my Hand

He just did _not_ get girls. Izumo in particular.

She’d _asked_ him to go out with her on a walk. It was hanami, and there were all these flowers, and he guessed it _was_ pretty, even though he and Yukio hadn’t really done this sort of thing that much as they were growing up.

But instead of being all happy that they were here and doing this, Izumo was being downright _grumpy_.

“Oi.” His hands were behind his neck, elbows jutting up above his head as they walked. “What’s u with you?”

“M-me? More like, what’s up with _you!_ Hmph.”

His tail, which had been swishing contentedly enough behind him, drooped somewhat.

“I don’t get it. What’m I doing wrong?”

She stopped, face beet red, turning to face him as he paused for her.

“You- you don’t get it at all!”

“Huh?!”

She turned away again, crossing her arms and not meeting his eyes, walking on at a faster pace than before.

“Oi! Stop being stupid and tell me what I did wrong!”

“Y-you- I mean- you just…”

She mumbled something under her breath, and her face, if it could be possible, went even redder.

“Did you just…?”

“I- I said-!”

But it was mumbled again, eyes looking away but not at the flowers.

But instead of just walking off in a huff, he unlaced his fingers and put one in his pocket while the other found one of Izumo’s hands. Hands that were, unlike his, nice and soft, from not using a sword, or cooking much, or… but he liked them like that.

She looked at him in slight shock, cheeks still pink.

“That’s better, right?” he asked with a smile, hoping he'd got it right.

She nodded, not saying anything, again looking away, but this time her fingers laced around his, and he had to admit, it did feel nice, to be holding hands.


	13. Rejection

She’d expected him to say ‘no’. And what’s more, she’d never thought she’d care either way.

But there she was, in front of the not quite abandoned old boys’ dorm, asking Rin if he’d go out with her.

It wasn’t even a ‘date’. It was just… lunch. That was it. To say ‘thank you’. For everything.

She was entirely expecting him to say he had plans, or that he was training, or for him to understand what she _actually_ meant and tell her that… that he already liked someone else. That _Moriyama Shiemi_ girl.

Instead, she’d found herself trying, very hard, to contain the minute shaking in her hands. The butterflies in her stomach that came from the thought of _what if he actually says no? What then?_

She found herself hoping that he said _yes_.

And when he finally spoke up instead of blinking at her, she had to ask him to repeat himself, because she hadn’t been able to hear him the first time. She _said_ that it was because he’d mumbled, but it was really because she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right.

“I said sure, I’ll go with you, and I wasn’t mumbling, damn it!”

He was huffing now, tail bristling slightly as it swished through the air instead of being underneath his uniform as it was during normal school hours.

“You sure you wanna go out, though? I mean, I could fix something up in the dorm, y’know…”

She rolled her eyes. As if she didn’t know about his measly allowance.

“I’m paying. After all, it’s _my_ thank you. It wouldn’t work right if you were the one doing all the cooking, would it?”

“Uh… no, I guess not, huh…”

Paku was smiling at her when she returned to the dorm later on, having already figured out what had happened.

“He said yes, then?”

Izumo threw a stuffed animal over at her best friend.

“I don’t need to talk about it!”

She couldn’t help the fact that she was smiling, though.


	14. Cat

It had started when someone other than Paku had caught her staring in Kuro’s direction.

It was bad enough when Paku caught her at it, because she didn’t _want_ to be known to love cute things that much, and she was sure that regardless of everything else, if people found out, they’d stop taking her seriously.

She hadn’t really taken much notice of it up until the period in class when one of her classmates came up to her, having been giggling with a friend, and asked, on the quiet, if she was going to ask him out soon.

Clearly, Izumo herself hadn’t had the faintest idea what the girl had been on about, and said as much.

…

For Rin, he would have never known anything was happening if Shima hadn’t started to arrive to cram school looking more and more depressed whenever he looked Izumo’s way.

At least, that was the beginning of his knowledge. The rest came a short time later, when Godaiin asked him who the girl was who kept staring at him.

“Eh? That’s Izumo. Why?”

“It’s just… Okumura-kun, the way she’s staring at you, don’t you think…?”

“Uh…?”

The moment he took a proper look instead of just a glance, she turned away, face red.

“Ha, no _way._ I don’t think she was looking at _me_ , anyway.”

He laughed it off, but felt something uncertain settle in his gut.

…

Izumo couldn’t believe that rumours of how she apparently liked Okumura Rin so much had circulated in just a few days.

She wasn’t even staring at _him_. She was staring at his _cat_.

But which, really, would be the lesser of two evils? For people to think what they liked, or… to know that she liked cute things that much?

She chanced another glance, wondering what the cat was doing now, and instead found Okumura Rin waving and grinning over at her.

_Oh, damn._

Perhaps this would have been easier if she hadn’t become accustomed to seeing his face as well whenever she looked for his cat.


	15. Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also inspired by the quote “She calls my name as shelter, not realizing I am the storm.” Yukio/Shiemi, vaguely based on the current arc. Vaguely.

“Yuki-chan? Yuki-chan…!”

He heard her calling him, and he was a moment away from returning her calls when he realised that he was still covered in blood.

There was nothing, really, that he could do about some of the splatter. Most of the time his line of work resulted in no small amount of mess anyway, but right here, right now…

He fished around and eventually found a pack of tissues. It wasn’t much, but it’d have to do. He couldn’t spare any water, so a bit of spit and dabbing it on his face to get rid of the worst of it would have to be enough. That, and wiping off the mess from his arms, his shoes…

Only when he deemed himself presentable did he call out to her.

“Shiemi-san? I’m right here.”

As though he were ‘safe’.

He’d been a storm of destruction only minutes before, guns blazing thunderously.  If he were anything, he wasn’t _safe_.

But for some reason, something he wasn’t sure he understood at all, she thought of him as such, and he was too much of a coward to try and tear down those expectations.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Yuki-chan!”

He smiled slightly for her, and got to work on cleaning his guns, now that they weren’t in use.

“I was fine. You don’t have to worry about me, really…”

“I was in a tight spot, that’s all, so I’m just… are you sure you aren’t hurt anywhere? Really? Don’t try acting tough now!”

He shook his head. “Dragoons work at a distance, remember. I’m uninjured.”

Hoping that her interest in his welfare would move along onto something else, so that she wouldn’t see the tears on his coat, or the blood spatter that covered it, blending in with the dark material.


	16. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone’s been watching too much Buffy at an inappropriate time. Rin isn't impressed.

He was all dressed up for the occasion, and… so was Rin, for that matter, which made it doubly strange. Rin hardly _ever_ dressed smartly for anything unless it was a major occasion, which really rubbed in how big this was.  How _important_.

But Yukio found himself pacing, back and forth, in the small room of the hotel they’d booked to stay in before heading to the church.

His heart was in his mouth, and his stomach felt like he’d accidentally eaten something blessed.

Shiemi had been the one to choose which type of ceremony it would be, and she hadn’t minded going with a western kind, one that would remind Yukio of his childhood and all of the things that had gone with it. She’d wanted to become a part of that, or so she’d said.

But he still found himself wracked with nerves. Pacing.  He didn’t notice when the door opened and someone slipped in.

“Yeesh, you’re going to wear out the nice carpet like that, y’know that, right?”

 _Rin_. Everything started coming out at once.

“What if she changes her mind? I’m not how I was when we first met! I’m not even how I was a few years ago! What if she realises she’ll be marrying a demon and she walks out – she could I wouldn’t blame her. She might never come out, she might think better of it, might want- want kids, and what if she doesn’t want…  I-!”

Rin had put a stop to his babbling by placing his hand on his brother’s mouth.

“You’re freaking out,” Rin said bluntly. “Stop. She’s not going to walk out on you, idiot. You’ve gotta be _blind_ to not see how much she loves you.”

Yukio allowed himself to listen, and slumped in faint hope still mixed with nerves.

Rin took his  hand away.

“But-“

“No buts.”

“What if…”

“You’ve been watching old Buffy re-runs again with Suguro and the others, haven’t you.”

“What?! No, I haven’t-“

“Yeah, you have.  Yeesh, don’t _worry_ so much. It’s gonna be fine. Just, y’know. Put your tail away. It must’ve come loose what with all that freaking out you’ve been doing,” Rin added with a hint of a teasing grin.

Yukio felt behind him, and yes, his tail had indeed come loose and was swishing around behind his back. He caught it, and quickly stuffed it back under his dress shirt, only to find out as he did so that his hands were shaking.

“Come _on_. They’re waiting for us downstairs.”

Rin grabbed his sleeve, and promptly started to drag him out of the room – making him glad that the only thing he’d forgotten was whether his tail was hidden or not, because otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to pick anything else up again.

“You’re gonna _love_ her,” his brother said, looking back at him with a stupid-looking grin on his face. “She’s beautiful!”

He gulped, and focused on trying not to trip over his own feet… and gave up entirely on trying to keep the blush away from his face.


	17. Breathe Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukio believes that Rin has died, and subconsciously puts up a wall of fire around himself to keep everyone out in his grief. Only Shiemi is brave enough to reach out to him to tell him that Rin is, in fact, alive. (Based off of an idea in my head rather than the prompt itself, the prompt help solidify it to be written, I think.) By far the longest so far.

It wasn’t like she could say she wasn’t scared. That’d be a lie, because she _was_. She was so very, very scared.

But it wasn’t the same kind of fear that’d kept her from going out of her house up until Rin had shown up. It wasn’t the kind of fear that had kept her from speaking up when Rin had come back to them after the Permissions exam, either.

Yuki-chan had tried. He’d tried _so hard_. And somehow… somehow, when all had been said and done, he’d heard the words – _Rin didn’t make it_ – and he must have blocked everything else out.

She’d _seen_ it happen, even, and she didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

She’d _seen_ him step forward after the exorcist who’d told him the news, as if to go in after him, but shock had already begun to set in. He hadn’t made it two steps, and then…

She wasn’t sure that she’d ever be able to forget Yuki-chan, always strong and collected, falling to the ground as though the strings that’d been holding him up had been cut out.  She’d hesitated, not knowing if he’d want her to try comforting him, but the moment she’d thought she’d seen tears running down his face… it had been like everything was happening at once.

The tears had suddenly evaporated, and then, despite having already been moving to reach out to him, she was pulled back. At first she was ready to make her stand, because she _needed_ to go to him, to be _there_ for him, but then she’d understood.

Suguro had pulled her back because Yuki-chan had begun to flicker, blue like Rin.

They were _afraid_ , she’d realised. Afraid because now it was clear, clear that Yuki-chan had Satan’s flames like Rin did, but it only made her want to go to him even more.

 _Can’t you see he’s hurting?_ She wanted to tell them, she wanted to tell them that he wasn’t going to hurt anyone…

…But that was before the fire began to spread.

At first it had just covered his body. But then it had turned into a sort of maelstrom, like a cyclone, a storm of fire that burnt everything.

Suguro had gripped her arm, and _run_.

Shima had been running with them, and when they stopped, when the fire settled down into a steady area that it was blocking off instead of moving around, anyone around him gave him a wide berth, the evil eye, as though all of this was somehow entirely his fault.

She couldn’t say she blamed them for thinking that way, but… just like with Yuki-chan, they didn’t know the whole story. And how could they? They’d not even had the chance to explain.

“S-Suguro-san… what d’you think’s going to happen to him?”

“I dunno.” His expression was grim, and so was his tone. “I’d say because of this display they’d kill him straight off… but because of all that fire, they’re gonna need a firetruck full’ve triple c holy water before they c’n even _think_ about that. Or…”

“Or?”

“We wait. ‘Cause right now, that’s all we _can_ do.”

“If, if it were Rin… even when he didn’t have any confidence to control them, he never hurt us, did he?”

“Yeah…” they both turned to Shima, who was just watching the fire with a fascinated expression, the fire that was now developing into a rough dome of sorts around its centre, warily. “’Cept this isn’t Rin, is it? It’s sensei.  And, well… he’s always been kinda scary, hasn’t he?”

Yuki-chan? Scary?

She supposed… maybe, maybe he was. Or he could be. But that didn’t mean he’d want to hurt people… right?

Suguro had let go, at least, meaning that she was able to take a single, hesitant step forward without being stopped.

“O-oi! Moriyama-”

“Moriyama!”

They weren’t the only ones who turned to stare. Other exorcists did, too.

“I- I can’t just wait here while, while everyone-! And while Yuki-chan is hurting like that!”

Who even knew what was going through his head right now? More than the fire being put out by the exorcists, she dreaded it going out by itself, and all they’d find where the middle used to be would end up being Yuki-chan, but…

She couldn’t let that happen.

She reached out her hand, ignoring the shaking, towards the fire. Ignoring the shouts from everyone around her, because they were _so sure_ that she’d be burned, but… none of them had seen Rin.

_I’m a monster!_

_Get away from me, don’t touch me!_

_Aren’t you… afraid of me?_

None of them understood.

She reached out, and – cold. Cold, like the feeling when you’ve put your hand in the freezer for too long. Tingly, like when your fingers have fallen asleep.

Uncomfortable, yes. But… not _burning._

She turned back to the others, now determined more than ever.

“Wait for me, please! I’m going to go in there, and bring him back out again. You’ll see!”

Putting one hand in had been uncomfortable. Walking in entirely had felt like she was going to fall over, dizzy. But after a moment to re-orient herself, she kept going. Sometimes it was hard to see, but she kept on, kept going.

“Yuki-chan? Yuki-chan! It’s me!”

…

He’d heard her. How could he not hear her?

But it was worthless.

_Rin. Rin’s gone._

Maybe if he said it often enough, it would become true. Real. Instead of something that felt _wrong_ , that he just plain _could not accept_.

Every cell in his body was screaming out that it was wrong, and yet he’d been told –

_Rin didn’t make it._

He still heard her calling for him. Why? _Why_ , though? She liked Rin. Why come for him when Rin was gone? She should be mourning her own loss, not comforting him.

“Yuki-chan…?”

He opened his eyes to look up at her, and found that the world had turned blue.

 _My eyes…?_ Perhaps, but… something seemed… off, about that idea, because the world wasn’t just blue, it was-

 _Flickering_.

He screwed his eyes shut again, as if to not see the truth was to make it stop happening.

“Yuki-chan?”

Except Shiemi was still here, and if he was- _no!_

“Shiemi-san. D-don’t come near me.”

“But- it’s… it’s alright, Yuki-chan. It’s- it’s all alright.”

“Shiemi-san. _Please_.”  He was begging her. He was _dangerous_ right now. He didn’t even know what was going on with himself, only that the fire must have finally consumed him. “I’ve already lost nii-san,” although even as he said it, the words still felt like ashes, _wrong_ , in his mouth. “Please don’t let me be responsible for losing you too.”

“You…”

She sounded sad, but why wouldn’t she? She had to know that the Vatican would kill him now, no matter what else happened.

What he didn’t expect was to be taken off guard, nearly falling bodily back onto the ground, when she threw her arms around him, flames and all.

“Shiemi-san, don’t, you-!”

“I’m fine. I’m _fine_ , Yuki-chan. I’m not being hurt, see? You’re not hurting me…” she trailed off, and he was sure that he heard a sob, which only made him feel worse.

He’d made Shiemi cry. And if it hadn’t been him, then it was _Rin_. Maybe, both.

 “Yuki-chan? Rin…”

_Gone gone gone I already KNOW he’s gone-!_

“…he’s, _he’s okay too!”_

Yukio froze, the words sending shockwaves through his mind.

“He- he’s just not here yet… he got hurt really badly, and they said he wasn’t healing quickly enough, so they were going help him back there, so… he’s still going to be okay. Yuki…chan…?”

His world fell apart for the second time that day, and he found himself holding onto Shiemi as if she were the one last thing keeping him alive, feeling like if he let her go, everything she’d brought with her would vanish as well.

Tears were falling down his face again, and he wasn’t sure whether they were from relief, or from misery still hanging around, at a realisation of his current situation, or what. Possibly all of it.

_“Nii-san… nii-san is… thank you- thank you, Shiemi-san, thank you so much, thank you…”_

He was crying like a baby again, and this time on her shoulder, but – and the reason of which for the life of him he couldn’t figure out – she didn’t seem to mind.

In time, the world would come back into focus, and they’d hear Suguro calling out their names, and the other exorcists would decide what to do with him.

But for now, he and Shiemi were crying. Because they were both there, and because Rin wasn’t gone, and because no matter how bad things were, it could have been worse. It could have been… but it _hadn’t_.


	18. Grey

Gray

 

When he’d been younger, he’d never given much thought to what would happen when he was older. Generally, he didn’t tend to think much of it, expecting that in his line of work, a short life expectancy would do the job and everyone else would outlive him.

Instead, he’d awakened by the time he was sixteen, and by the time he and Rin were twenty, they realised that they weren’t aging at the same rate as all of their friends.

Rin had, somehow, managed to keep smiling, not letting anyone know simply because that was how he was. He’d put a smile on his face and go about life only thinking about one step at a time. That was just how Rin _was_.

But Yukio wasn’t Rin.

Every day, he saw his classmates, and every day, he was reminded as he looked in the mirror, that he would outlive them.

That he would outlive _her_.

He tried to do the same as he had in school, become just another face in the crowd, but he’d already made a name for himself, become too attached to too many people.

And she… she wouldn’t let him _go_.

She caught him, as he was trying to leave on their last day of school. One more step out there, and he’d be off. Wandering the world and never having to remember…

“Yuki-chan?”

She was still calling him that, and he wished he could hold on, but he knew that it would just slip out between his fingers.

“Rin told me, about both of you. What you think’s… happening.”

Or rather, what _hadn’t_ been happening. What _wouldn’t_ be happening _._

“And… I’m coming with you!”

She-

“What?! No, you-!”

He tried to escape, but somehow he found his hands being held in hers.

“Yuki-chan… if you’re going somewhere, then I’m going to go after you. And if you’re going to stay right here, then so am I. It doesn’t matter if you’re not going to grow old and grey with me! I- I wouldn’t want to grow old and grey with anyone else! And you… you shouldn’t be alone, Yuki-chan. You deserve better than that.”

He wanted to move his legs onward, away, but trembling though they were, they weren’t _moving_.

And Shiemi was looking at him, her eyes unflinchingly meeting his.

“Please, Yuki-chan… I’ll follow if you go, but… would you stay with me? Just for a while?”

“I…”

How was he supposed to answer that?

“Maybe until I grow grey hairs, and you can count them for me?”

...

AN: Inspired in part by listening to Yukio’s character song, ‘[Dedicate](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS0Iciyx0GM)’. There are lines where he says that he’d continue on this way until the end, when he dies - but then there’s a refrain that goes ‘ _until it was lit by the blue light then’_ , which got me thinking…


	19. Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shameless AU of chapter three of the manga.

The gate creaked slowly, the hairs at the base of her neck standing on end, and she began backing away as fast as she could on legs that didn’t want to be used.

The boy stood at the gate however… he wasn’t moving at all. Not to run, since she’d seen and caught him, or to come in and attack her, as she had thought he was sure to.

He was… tall. With dark brown hair, and glasses. He was dressed smartly, but it wasn’t the school uniform, or even an exorcist’s uniform. A long, dark coat, boots, a black turtleneck.

And he was staring. Not even at her. At the space where the gate was, his hand still outstretched to where it had been, as though he was still trying to figure out why it’d fallen.

Maybe if she stayed still and didn’t make any sounds, he’d not notice she was there, and go away, for the exorcists to deal with him.

But unfortunately after a few minutes of checking even her breathing, he looked up. Straight at her.

“Does the gate usually do that, miss?”

He was still just staying there. And his voice didn’t _sound_ like a demon’s, but…

_Don’t scream, don’t scream._

“N-no. I-it’s s-supposed to ward against d-demons-”

She cut herself off, wondering if she’d said too much and now he was going to silence her, but instead he just looked down at the fallen piece of gate and sighed.

Then, however, he took a step forward, causing her to panic and try to back away again.

“You don’t have to worry. I’m just picking it up again,” he said as he did so. “I’m waiting for one of my brothers. He told me to not cause trouble while I was here, but…”

He bit his lip a little, and the sight of a fang only caused her to be more nervous, taking note of the pointed ears as well.

Because now he was _inside_ her grandmother’s garden with her, and who knew what he would do?

…Hold out his hand, apparently.

“My name is Yukio. Okumura Yukio.” The family name was given almost as an afterthought, as though he wasn’t used to it yet. “Who are you?”

What was weird, she realised as she hesitantly reached out, unsure whether she was doing so because she was afraid of the consequences if she didn’t or because he didn’t, actually, seem so bad, was that he didn’t seem like any of the stories she’d ever heard of demons at all. He was awkward, and nervous like her, and he didn’t seem to understand things that should have been obvious.

“M-Moriyama Shiemi!”

The demon – boy, rather, or maybe _both_ – stared at the garden, almost but not quite ignoring her again.

“Father,” and the word was archaic but just about recognisable, “doesn’t mind if aniue has me attend his school. He says it doesn’t matter in the end. I’ll come back home afterwards regardless. I think aniue has something planned, though… but I don’t know what yet. It doesn’t really matter. I was starting to get bored.”

She wondered why he was telling her this, but decided it didn’t matter.

“W-well, I hope you have fun in school anyway!”

He turned back to her, tilting his head.

“Thank you, Shiemi-san. Do you go to school too?”

“I… no… I’ve always been too shy. And besides,” she said, trying to sound more upbeat, “there’s the garden that needs attending to!”

“Hm… I suppose so… still, it’s a shame.” She tried to hide the guilt and the disappointment in herself, wondering if this was what a demon’s tempting sounded like. Although it didn’t _seem_ like he was trying to tempt her, not on purpose, and she didn’t know if that made it better or worse. “Are you sure it’s got nothing to do with the demon attached to your legs? I could burn it off if you’d like. It wouldn’t hurt – I promise. I’ve been practicing.”

 _Demon_ … attached to her _legs_ …?

…

Which ended up being how, a few days later, she found herself being introduced to the cram school by Fujimoto-sensei, and saw a familiar face in the crowd – maybe not that many, but it felt like it to her – of students.

“Th-thank you, Yuki-chan! I- I’m not quite ready for normal school yet, but I thought maybe I could study here first, and- and now we’re studying together anyway!”

She wondered why he was getting so red in the face from simply her showing her gratitude, and why Fujimoto-sensei, someone she’d respected and admired and heard such good things about, was giving her new friend – she _hoped_ he was a friend, at least-! – such wary looks.

...

AN: I haven’t decided where Rin is in this AU yet. He’s either been brought up by Shiro, or also been brought up by Satan (and their other brothers).


	20. Foreign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goes with 'Introduction' (the last chapter) and follows events of chapter 13.

He watched with narrowed eyes as his brother held Shiemi-san up in his arms, controlled her, held himself together as his classmates were hurt.

So, his brother wanted a fight, was that it?

Then a fight was what he was going to have.

Those were his _friends_. Those were the first people he’d ever thought to _call_ friends. And now, because of _him_ , they were being… hurt.

“Stop it.”

Amaimon blinked at him.

“Come on, little brother. It’s not that hard. You used to give in and fight me all the time back home. What’s so different here? I had to do all this to just to get your attention. That’s not nice, you know.”

“I _said_ … STOP IT!”

Fujimoto-sensei was shouting things from the side, saying that he didn’t have to do this, that it was a trap, to get everyone back to safety and let the experienced exorcists deal with it.

But that would mean more people getting hurt. This was _his_ _brother_. Who was intruding on _his territory_ , and hurting _his friends_.

He didn’t have time to waste on waiting for backup. Not when he knew he could do this, and all it would cost would be his secret come out.

Perhaps he wasn’t human. Perhaps if he did this, then they would see him as something else, something foreign, something not to be trusted any more, because after all, his father had killed their own friends and family.

But he was all they had right now, and that… that could be worried about later.

Besides, if he didn’t burn the forest down, if he didn’t make it so that too many people saw, it wasn’t as though he’d get in too much trouble, right?

As he walked calmly – albeit not so calmly on the inside, as there was much pent-up rage waiting to be let out – up to his brother, the others stared at him for being so damn stupid, or brave, or… who knew.

“I _said_ ,” he repeated, letting his true demonic features show, “ _stop it, and LET THEM GO!”_

 Blue fire flickered under his control as Amaimon dropped Shiemi-san and Suguro-kun with a smile-

And then went flying as a result of one well-aimed punch.

_You’d damn well better hope that you didn’t hurt Shiemi-san with that, you bastard brother of mine._


	21. Can You Hear Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follows on after the end of 'Breathe Again'.

Can You Hear Me?

 

She was there when they came to pick him up, and she was there as they carried him away.

He’d done all of that for… _her_. He’d paid the price so that she’d be all right. He’d done what she hadn’t trusted anyone to _ever_ think of doing… because why would they?

And now there they were, in the academy’s main hospital, the wing reserved for the not entirely human patients.

It happened, sometimes. That they’d want to help a demon, or a half demon, exorcist or not.

They’d done as much as they could, but he still hadn’t woken up yet. It seemed… wrong, somehow. Rin was supposed to be full of life and fire and energy, not just _lying_ there.

 _Wake up_ , she wanted to say. _Tell me- tell me why you did that!_

Because, well. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, because of him…

“Tsukumo’s safe,” she found herself saying. “They’re not going to be able to get at her again. And, mom’s safe too, they’re going to try and get her treatment. And if they can’t help her any more, they’ll make her comfortable. I… I guess I really should thank you, Okumura.”

He didn’t respond. He didn’t laugh, or point out the obvious, or call her ‘funny eyebrows’ again. He was just there, sleeping.

“I don’t even know if you can hear me at all. But I- I just wanted to say it. Thank you.”

A single tear ran down her cheek, closely followed by another on the other side, dropping onto Rin’s sheets.

“Wake up. Wake up soon, you idiot. I- I want to say it and _know_ you can hear me for once-!”

She’d lost so much. It was only now hitting her just _how_ much, now that some of it had been given back to her, and now that her goal was completed and no longer necessary.

_Uke. Mike. And now, I nearly lost Rin too._

She didn’t want someone else, anyone else, to die because of her.

Maybe in the future, she’d be strong enough that no one had to. But for now, she wished that there was a god she could pray to, so that she could beg one thing - not let him be the third.

She fell asleep some time after that, woken up only when the doctors came by to check on Rin, and flushed red from the sheer embarrassment of having been caught out like that.

Maybe she should go to her dorm, or… something. Find her own room in the hospital, since they probably wanted her to stay here anyway. But for some odd reason, she just didn’t want to leave. Not yet.

So instead she just stole a blanket that wasn’t being used anyway, and went back to sleep, pretending that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation, and that no one would bring it up later.

Okumura-sensei came by with Moriyama Shiemi sometime later, tailed by a couple of exorcists. Both looked like they’d been through hell.

“The doctors say he’s going to be okay,” she said awkwardly, not able to meet their eyes. “He just hasn’t woken up yet.”

“How… how long have you been here, Kamiki-san?”

There was something in his voice, a waver, that she just wasn’t used to, that seemed odd and at odds with the Okumura Yukio she was used to.

“I was with him when they brought him here,” she found herself saying. “But only because I owe him.” There she went again, huh? Trying to pretend people didn’t mean as much as they did. “I… owe him a lot.”

It was like a weight had been lifted off their teacher’s shoulders, and for once, a rare occasion indeed, Izumo was reminded of how he really was the same age as the rest of them.

And that it was his brother lying there.

She realised, then, that she didn’t know how she’d be able to cope with herself if Tsukumo had put herself in harm’s way for someone else, and the awkward feeling intensified.

“I- I guess I could see if there’s another chair I could bring in, Okumura-sensei.”

He nodded, and stayed stood while she went to look. Somehow, for some reason, she found herself bringing in two chairs instead of just one.

After all, the Moriyama girl would only end up annoying her if she just stayed standing all the time, and she’d be in the way if she sat on the floor. So there was nothing else fore it.


	22. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same AU as 'Introduction' and 'Foreign'. Father Fujimoto lets something slip.

They were just words. Six words. He’d heard worse all through his life – from his brothers, from his father, from other exorcists.

So why did these six hurt so much?

 _Sometimes, you’re just like your brother_.

The priest who’d said them had been horrified with himself the moment he’d allowed them to come out, instantly letting on that it wasn’t something he’d meant to say, and wasn’t something he’d meant to _let on_.

 _Brother_.

He’d asked, coldly, which brother the man had meant, and the exorcist had looked away, troubled.

 _Your twin_.

But he’d never _had_ a twin. Ever. All of his brothers were so much older than him, so much. Even his youngest elder brother was several centuries old by now. Whereas he was only fifteen.

But he’d always felt something missing, something pulling at him, hadn’t he? So what if this was it?

But then, _why had no one ever told him?_ And why… _why_ , was it that he only found out now, and in this way?

Demons used words all the time to hurt. To injure a soul, twisting meaning and encouraging decay.

Humans, it seemed, used words by accident, with brutal honesty and allowing understanding in when it hadn’t even been asked for.

When the teachers gave him a wider berth than usual, when the others in the cram school said that he was spacing out and acting weird, Shiemi came up to him and asked him if he was all right.

He didn’t know what to say.

So instead, he smiled, and told her-

 _It’s nothing_.

When actually, he meant-

_It’s everything._


	23. Breaking the Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goes with Introduction, Foreign and Words. Some things are more important than the rules they were made for.

Samael – Mephisto, really, but he’d known aniue so long as Samael that it was odd to have to use his other names – had told him to start with that he wasn’t allowed to go off the school grounds unless he was given confirmation from him. And he understood that. He really did.

But this was more important than any rules, he found himself realising as he broke them by silently following their Demon Pharmaceuticals teacher out of the school and onto a train.

He jumped off without anyone having realised that he’d been on it (being on the roof helped with that) and resumed following the man, even though he was looking around to make sure he wasn’t being followed.

Maybe it was a human’s sixth sense. Maybe he’d been careless already.

He found himself stuck at the point where the man entered the gate - a gate that reminded him of the one he’d destroyed when he’d first met Shiemi-san – and thought the better of trying to touch it.

He’d camp out for the night. Or maybe not sleep at all. He’d dozed off during lunch, and it wasn’t as though he was behind in any of his classes since he’d caught up and started to learn quickly.

At around three am he drifted off to sleep, almost invisible to most, dressed as he was in his normal clothes, dark against the dark of the night, and up in a tree like a cat.

It wasn’t like he’d be missed. He’d been given special permission to room on his own. His own dorm. Because he was dangerous. And it wasn’t really as though he could fault their reasoning there.

He was woken up by sunlight, and by the sound of the gate hinges creaking open. Swiftly, he dropped down, and while the priest – not one he’d seen before, but someone who looked like he lived and worked here anyway – wasn’t looking, he slipped inside and past the barriers.

The closer he got, the more his mind… sang. Something was _there_. It was muted, yes, but it was definitely, _defiantly_ , there.

Not daring to go inside, he ventured around the outside instead, sticking to the walls and peering through windows.

Not in the kitchen, not in those rooms, or those, or that one.

None of these people looked right, or felt right.

Until that one. Right there.

A single bed in a single room, with a single desk and bag and wardrobe and drawers. A boy still in the bed, even though the time said it was well into the morning.

_I wonder whether he’s older or younger than me. He looks like he could be younger._

For the longest time, he was just content to stare.  The boy had many of the same features as him, but there was no sign of any glasses, as he’d needed to have once he’d crossed over into Assiah for the first time, and there were no moles on his face. His eyes were open just a fraction, but by the snoring he was definitely asleep.

And there was a… sword? On the table beside his bed? How odd. Very odd.

He looked human, though, which was if anything even stranger.

The boy rolled over, and something must have jerked him awake, because the next thing Yukio knew, the boy was yawning and seemed to be grumbling about something.

Maybe he should leave now. If he was seen and Father Fujimoto was told, he’d be in trouble, and it’d get back to aniue.

But then when the boy who he thought was his twin turned around to close the window, he found himself being stared at.

 _Shit_.

The window could have been closed – it was summer, so it was open for the draft – but it wasn’t. Instead, the boy stuck his head out.

“Who the hell’re you and why’re you watching me sleep, you damn creep!”

Yukio ignored the question in favour of one of his own.

“Are you a demon?”

The boy startled and hit his head on the window frame.

“The hell kind of question is that?! No, I damn well am not! How’d you like being called a demon, you creep!”

Yukio shrugged.

“It doesn’t much matter, though it’s weird you aren’t. It’d be like calling a tiger a big cat with stripes. What’s your name?”

“ _Why, you-!_ I’m Okumura Rin! So stop calling me a demon!”

Yukio blinked, confused.

“All right, then. I’m Okumura Yukio, by the way. I think you’re my brother.”

“I don’t _have_ a brother! Why’re you – first you’re creeping around, then you’re calling me a demon, and then you’re saying I’m your brother! _Stop messing around with me!_ ”

“Did I… say it wrong?” Rin didn’t seem to be taking it well. Which wasn’t to say that he’d taken it well to start off, either, but at least he hadn’t started threatening people.

He heard sounds coming from just around the corner, and for a moment his blood rushed in his ears, he was sure he was going to be caught and sent back in disgrace. He could pretend he was missing if they asked and he simply hadn’t appeared, but if he was _caught_ -

“Quick – let me in. I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Huh? Wait, what, no, you can’t just-“

But he was already halfway through the window, and Rin ended up helping him through anyway, by opening it a crack further from the inside. He fell in and onto his new brother’s bed.

“Yeesh, now you’re basically breaking and entering…”

“But I haven’t broken anything.” He looked around. “This is your room, right? Is that your sword, too?”

“It- yeah, I guess…”

“Can I look at it?!

“W-what? No! I’m not allowed to draw it! _Ever_! Don’t you damn well dare even _touch it_ or I’ll-!”

He rapidly withdrew his hand from the cloth wrapping.

“Oh. I see…”

He thought he understood, now. At least a bit better.

“See what?” Rin asked warily as he went to put the sword safe again and away from the stranger’s grasp.

“That must be why we never grew up together,” Yukio said, unable to keep the fire from his eyes in the wake of a moment’s rage at the circumstances he’d discovered, at being _kept from something that was his_. He stomped on it, brutally. He couldn’t afford to lose control here in Assiah.

“What… was that? The hell was up with your _eyes_ just then?”

Yukio glanced back at the window and closed the curtains. Just to make sure. Just to be safe.

“I’m the only one of Satan’s children out of all our brothers who can do… this.”

He held out a hand, and fire coated it, flickering blue. It would have been clearer in the dark, but even in the daylight it was still clearly visible.

“What… the _hell_ …?”

Yukio looked up from his hand to find his new brother backing away from him –

Fire, the same shade as his own, flickering lightly over his entire body, fear in his eyes.


	24. Fairy Tail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew real life and fairy tales weren’t the same. But she’d thought it was one way of proving a point.

She’d heard that in one Western story, the prince turned back from the monstrous beast he’d been cursed into being when the girl he loved realised that she loved him back. And in another, he’d been turned into a frog, and kissing him made him human again.

Except as she found herself staring at him, asleep in a chair and with his tail swishing behind him through the gap between the base and the backrest, she realised that she didn’t care.

If Yuki-chan was happy now, then that was enough. And if he wasn’t…

She’d have to make him understand. Somehow.

She found that she’d begun to lean over to him, her head to his, and her face reddening, when he blinked blearily, tail stopping in its tracks.

“Shiemi-san…? What’re you – _yawn –_ doing?”

Face scarlet, she kissed him on the cheek.

“There, see! You’re not changing back. So you’ve got to be all right as you are!”

“Sh-Shiemi-san!? W-wha- what’re you- I-! _This isn’t a fairy tail!_ ”


	25. Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a situation can be deceiving, especially when you're convinced it can only end up one way.

He’d long since given up on the idea. It was ridiculous to think that he stood a chance any longer, right?

He might have known her for longer, but as soon as Rin came into the picture… he was overshadowed.

But somehow, it still hurt.

“Ah, sorry! I have to go – Rin’s taking me to the amusement park, like he offered to! I’m so excited!”

“Well, I hope you two have fun there,” he found himself saying.

He’d find something else to do. Paperwork. School work. Anything, really, but every so often, he’d look out of the window and wonder what his brother and Shiemi-san were doing.

It got dark. And then it got late. He wondered how long they were going to be.

He was still up when Rin finally did get back home, Shiemi following close behind having had Rin suggest something that Yukio appreciated, to use his key to the shop in order to get her home instead of her having to walk all the way back there in the dark.

Once the door closed shut again, Rin sat down and leaned back with a sigh.

“What’s wrong? I’d have thought you two were going to have fun there.”

Rin made a non-committal noise.

“Mmmyeah, we did.”

“Then…?”

“It would’ve been easier on me if she wasn’t always going on about whether _you’d_ like things or not,” Rin grumbled.

Yukio nearly dropped his keys.


	26. Keeping a Secret

Okumura Rin was hardly the best sort of person for keeping secrets. Or, at least… that’s what she expected of him.

She went back to classes expecting the boys to be laughing at her, since he was such good friends with them now. She was sure the gorilla would enjoy that, too-

But instead, no one brought it up. At all.

Which she… hadn’t really thought would happen, even though she’d asked him, even though he’d said he’d promised, she was _sure…_

After all, she didn’t trust anyone.

But the only reason they wouldn’t have brought it up would be either because they were waiting for the right opportunity, or – he really hadn’t.

Maybe he hadn’t been the only one to think he’d misjudged. She still had room to doubt, but… what if she’d maybe – just _maybe_ – misjudged him too?


	27. Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could easily have been done for 'Insanity', but this was the prompt it was written for. Oh well. Mainly Yukio. Some Rin. Non-ship.

The sight of his hands in front of him, wreathed in blue flame, should have had him screaming, should have had him sick to the stomach with fear and trying, albeit as a futile gesture, to hide it.

Instead, he found himself laughing.

It started out quietly, a small sound, barely audible. But it grew into something that could soon be heard, and he found that he couldn’t care less.

After all, his humanity… after all this time of believing in it so strongly… it had all been an illusion after all, hadn’t it? Really?

He laughed, uncaring, as tears streamed down his face.

_Look at me. Isn’t this what you wanted, Mephisto? Toudou? All of you?_

_Isn’t this what you EXPECTED?_

_Well. Here it is._

Blue filled his vision, and his mind, as he snarled at the world for trying to put him into a box, for trying to control and tame a demon such as himself, a monster the likes of which could never be attained by another.

_Did you know, father? When you saved us? Did you know what we could be?_

Did any of them care? Weren’t they just weapons in the end, to be pointed at the enemy and expected to explode a rain of destruction in the right place?

How much of those niceties had been an illusion, too?

_Yukio?_

How often had he lied, just because he could?

_Yukio, you’re scarin’ us. Stop it. Stop it. Please, please stop it…_

Those…

Those weren’t… his thoughts.

_The hell’s even happening- where did this come from? How… how am I supposed to… when I can’t even help my own little brother?_

As if the strings had been cut out that were holding him up, he fell, and although he expected the hard floor to meet his knees as overcame him once more and the mad laughter died out, instead he was met with his brother’s arms around him, small comfort, but one that worked far more than anything else he could think of.

 _This is real_ , everything was telling him.

_This is real._

_This is what will support you when you can’t stand on your own._

_This is what will take you down when nothing else will._

_This is real, and this is safe._


	28. Love

Admittedly, it took her a while to realise that she loved him. But then, she didn’t have much to go on, at first.

Love… she’d always thought of love as being a family sort of thing. She’d loved Tsukumo so much, ever since she could remember, and she’d do anything, _anything_ to make sure her little sister never came to harm, and was all right, and happy.

She’d wondered if anyone could ever understand how that felt – and then she’d noticed how he acted around his own little brother, and something clicked. A sort of satisfaction. _Yes,_ it said. _Someone does. He knows what it feels like_.

When she was little and naïve, she’d read stories, fairy tales and romances, and longed for a relationship like that. Then she grew up, and realised that what she’d read about was just an idealised version of love, it was just one part of it – it never told you about how bravery could also be idiocy, how giving someone your heart also gave them the ability to crush it.

And then she saw him be an idiot, and realised that it could also be bravery. She gave him all of the tools with which he would need in order to crush her, completely and utterly, and he… didn’t. He held it there, gently as if in the palm of his hand, and never let go.

Love, she wanted to believe, was never letting go. It was having people tell you to, but never giving in.

She realised only later that, knowing what it felt like to be left alone, she’d made sure not to let the same happen to him, not given in, even when all around her thought the less of her for it.

Pride, she’d called it. Indignant, self-righteous anger. There were other words for it, though, ones she hadn’t been ready to use yet.

The frustration of not understanding, the curiosity of wanting to know more, had already settled.

The frustration only grew with time, because what kind of person was that stupid? That thoughtful, and reckless? What kind of idiot still trusted someone even after they told him not to, even after everything…?

One that came back for her, even when he was _shown_ that she wasn’t perfect, that she had a side to her that wasn’t nice, or even good. One that _kept_ coming back for her.

She found herself putting more and more of her heart in his keeping, frustrated at herself for doing so even _unwittingly_ , infuriated with him for not realising what she was doing.

But she was still doing it.

Because he made Tsukumo laugh and smile. Because she felt like herself when she was with him. Because he taught her that she didn’t _need_ to have outgrown all of her old stories.

Because the second time she’d tried to run, this time with nothing to hide any more, he’d caught her hand, and hadn’t let go.


	29. Two Roads

“It’s your choice,” he was telling her. “You can come with us, or you can stay. No one is going to judge you either way, Shiemi-san.”

That’s what he’d always said, though. It was _her_ choice. Her choice to stay at home or go outside, her choice to attend cram school or not, her choice to put her life on the line and dedicate herself properly to becoming an exorcist.

And now, her choice as to whether she should stay at home, stay with True Cross and the Academy and everyone in it, under the arm of the Vatican, or…

Follow Yukio, and Rin, and Izumo and the others. Who were leaving.

It had nothing to do with the people. But the _system_ – there were far too many things wrong with it, and they’d only just scratched the surface. The Vatican was flawed, full of people who hadn’t allowed the Order to evolve and change along with the times, and it showed. More than that, it was _corrupt_.

She could stay… or she could go.

They wouldn’t be able to come back once they’d gone. ‘Home’ would be gone. But if she stayed, how would she ever find them again? Her friends, the first and only friends she’d ever had…

She could see herself in a year’s time, five years, ten, wondering what had happened to them, trying to find them on the other side of a potential scandal, or _war_ even, having to prove herself to one group, but in a heartbeat disloyal to them and serving another…

Or following, and losing everything other than the most important things – knowing where she stood, and her precious people.

“I set nii-san to packing while I came to talk to you, and I’m already reading to go. I’m sorry this isn’t much time to decide, but it all came on so… suddenly.”

She shook her head, nii-chan hanging onto her hair.

“No, no! It’s- it’s all right!”

The uncertain future solidified in her mind. She caught his hand before he could think she was saying ‘no’, and smiled.

“Just… wait for me, all right?”

“Sh-Shiemi-san, you don’t have to-“

“But… even if I stayed, because I _want_ to stay, but if I did… I wouldn’t get to see you any more, would I?” She paused, realised how that must have sounded, found her face going red and looked away in an attempt to hide the blush. “I-I meant all of you! Yuki-chan, but also Rin, and Kamiki-chan and the others!”

Yuki-chan brightened up though, she was sure, even if his face seemed a bit pink too.

They’d go together.


	30. Seeing Red

Izumo sighed as she looked at the despair inducing paper on her desk.

They’d had to swap tests with the person sitting next to them, and lucky her that it happened to be Okumura Rin this time. Or at least, he’d been the _closest_ , and the Moriyama girl had already swapped with someone.

So now, there she was, staring at a page that was due to be covered in little red marks.

“Psst- hey, Izumo? How’d I do?”

“I don’t know how your brother puts up with you,” she snapped back, kneading her forehead against an oncoming headache.

He sent her a hurt look at that, which was _completely_ uncalled for, not to mention unfair, because no one had ever warned her he could be _cute_ , he wasn’t allowed to be _cute_ -

“Ah… Izumo?”

“What?!”

“Er… you all right? Your face went all red…”

“I’m. _Fine_.”

“Oh. Okay.

The teacher started calling out the answers one by one, and with each one she was increasingly depressed with his lack of any ability whatsoever, and his own face alternated comically between cheerful and despairing – likely at realising he’d got so many wrong answers.

He caught her as they were coming out of class, before she headed back into the main school areas.

“Hey, Izumo!”

She would have tried to ignore him, but she knew well enough by now that it wouldn’t work.

“You’re really smart, right? Could you tutor me again? Please? Please, _pleaaase?”_

…She was going to regret this, wasn’t she.


	31. Pain

He found her at the edge of their campsite, sat with her knees drawn up to her chest.

He realised that, for a second time, he’d caught her when she’d been crying.

He could leave her like this. Pretend he hadn’t seen, pretend everything was all right. He was good at that, really, but… only when it came to him. He was rubbish at it when it came to anyone else.

So, instead, he sat down next to her, knees up to his chest and tail curling around to his feet, tip twitching every so often.

“I’m not gonna tell,” he said, just to make sure she knew.

She nodded, silently. For a moment there was silence, other than the sounds of the forest they’d camped in, the insects and the animals and the birds and the wind in the trees, the fire just a few meters away where the others were, a soft but steady murmuration of their friends’ nearby voices and a distant stream.

“They… they were like my _brothers_. I’d grown up with them, they were just as much my family as Tsukumo and our mother, but… and now they’re _gone_.”

He could hear the tears still in her voice, and then they were there again as soon as she’d finished, unable to fully cope with the truth now that the adrenaline had worn off.

“Yeah… it takes some getting used to.”

She stopped crying out of shock, raising her head and turning to look at him as though she’d never seen him before, her eyes red and sore. But he wasn’t looking at her – he was looking into the distance, at something or someone that wasn’t even there anymore.

“At first it doesn’t seem real, right? Like… they’re gone. And they did it for you. And you just can’t figure it out. You expect ‘em to be there when you open the door, or answer the phone, or…” he trailed off, clearly having more things to say, an endless list of times and things. “And it never stops. And they’re never there. You think… one day, you’re gonna get used to it. But…”

“It’s not something you get used to, is it?”

“No. No, it’s not.” He blinked, and turned to her with a smile on his face. “That – that probably didn’t help, so, sorry-“

She shook her head.

“You know what it’s like, don’t you?”

“Uh- I…”

She let her head fall back onto her knees, chin on her hands, not ready yet to move but feeling more like herself.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell either.”


	32. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izumo listens to one brother’s instructions while holding the other’s life in her hands.

She had his blood on her hands, and she was _scared_. This wasn’t even like when she’d failed to be able to protect Paku, because back then, there’d been something she could have done, but she’d ultimately failed at it, losing confidence.

Here, there was nothing she _could_ do.

She wasn’t a doctor, either by an exorcist’s meister or by a medical degree. She hadn’t even _thought_ of it.

And here she was, doing as her teacher was telling her to, applying pressure to the wound, attempting to focus on sensei’s voice and _only_ sensei’s voice, but even he was panicked, she could tell, why _wouldn’t_ he be?

Rin wasn’t supposed to get injured and not get up. It was almost as though it defied the laws of nature, the sheer number of times she’d seen him just bounce back from things.

_“Keep it in! If you take it out, his body will try to heal around the wound, and if it’s infected, or if it was blessed with holy water, we’re going to have to get that out. Do you understand?”_

“Y-yes,” she said. “I’ve got it.”

 _“I’m on my way.”_ She heard gunshots and screeches and the phone crackled from the volume. “ _Wait for me. But tell me if anything changes.”_

She missed Uke and Mike. She wished that any of the others were there, that they hadn’t had to split up like that.

She hoped – and wasn’t it ironic, that she, who had stopped trusting anyone up until a short time ago, was hoping and trusting in something with no definite answer? – for just one thing, for a _sign_ , anything, that he’d be okay, and that she wouldn’t have to tell his brother that anything even worse had happened.


	33. Drink

Yukio was not, so to speak, a drinker. Not even a light one – regardless what Shura had tried to do to rectify that. He was all too aware of the affects drink had on people, and didn’t want to risk putting lives in danger, since he could be called on at any time.

Hearing through various sources that Rin wasn’t able to handle so much as a can of something barely alcoholic hadn’t made his doubts on the matter go away.

And because he never had the time to put aside for something so frivolous, being always studying, working, teaching, filling out paperwork, or on a mission…

Except he’d just _been_ on a mission, and then there’d been the bar, and now…

His head hurt, he was sure his tie was the strange ropey thing in front of his eyes which kept blurring as he blinked the room into a little more clarity.

It wasn’t even his and Rin’s dorm. It looked similar, but it was otherwise unused.

He groaned, realising he must have done as Rin was infamously wont to do and had simply found the first available safe place to fall down, and gone straight to sleep.

A harsh beep sent another spike of pain through his head. His phone. He reached out and grabbed at it, pushing buttons in an effort to make the noise stop before remembering that this was the noise that happened when he had a message.

Several were from Rin. Wanting to know when he’d be back.

More still were from Shura.

He winced, and groaned again, forcing himself not to throw his phone across the unfamiliar room simply because the noise would hurt more than it would be worth.

 _Never again_ , he promised himself fervently. _All things in moderation, they say. But. Never again._


	34. Starvation

It had been three weeks since the last time they’d had sukiyaki. Since the last time they’d had _meat_.

Not that he was counting, or anything.

“I’m _starving.”_

“Then get yourself something to eat. There’s plenty in the fridge down in the kitchen, isn’t there?”

Rin let his head flop to the table. His tail drooped. He looked back at Yukio, who was studying for his normal classes, past the division in the room.

“Yeah, but I don’t _want_ any of that stuff…”

“You’re not a kid any more, nii-san, so stop acting like you are!”

“ _Urgghhhh….”_

“Besides anything, it seems to me like even if we did have the necessary ingredients in the cupboards, you as you are now don’t have the energy with which to do anything with them.”

“You’re mean, Yukio. _Mean._ ”

“No. I just don’t want to waste _my_ money when I know we have perfectly good food already.”

“…Mean,” Rin continued to whine. “I’ve got a mean, _mean_ little brother. Who knows I’m starving and won’t let me have sukiyaki.”


	35. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The monsters under beds and hidden in closets and shadows are real. So of course Shiro’s going to be woken up in the middle of the night.

“Papa, papa!”

Shiro groaned, wondering what it was this time. Hungry? Thirsty, maybe? Or maybe they were arguing again, which would be strange since he hadn’t heard anything, and the same for if they were just plain causing trouble.

And besides, Yukio sounded _worried_ , scared, even.

With a sigh, he reached blindly for his glasses so that the world could slide into focus, and sat up.

“What is it, Yukio?”

He heard a sniff, and it was obvious this had been bothering the kid more than he liked to let on.

“I-it’s the monsters… th-they know I c-can see them, and I c-can’t sleep-!” Yukio sniffed again and even in the dark Shiro could just about see his son look away. “Sorry I woke you up…”

This, he had to admit, wasn’t what he’d ever expected when he’d decided all those years ago to bring the kids up. One of the sons of Satan himself, coming to him crying in the night… scared of the monsters in the dark.

But that was Yukio. Strong in all of his own ways, enough to make the exorcist wonder… but that would be in the future, and this was now.

He patted the bed, and the boy sat on the covers.

“I… I thought you said that I’d be able to be stronger than the monsters, papa, but I’m, I’m just as scared as always!”

He couldn’t help it – he held the boy close. _And it won’t just be Rin seeing scarier things than this in ten years’ time. Damn, but I’m getting sentimental. Or old. Maybe both._

“That’s because it takes time, kiddo. First, you’ve gotta pretend you aren’t as scared as you are… because yeah, it’s scary. But if you pretend, then somewhere down the line, you’re gonna find you’re not as scared anymore.”

The sniffing trailed off, but he could tell the kid was still plenty bothered.

“B-but what about right _now_?”

“Right now? I’ll walk you back. And if there’s any monsters, I’ll scare ‘em away for you. How about that?”

There was a moment of hesitation, and then Yukio nodded and slid off the bed, waiting nervously at the doorway.

 _One day, they’re going to have to face the monsters on their own_. He knew that. He did. But for now… _They’re just kids. The Order might want them as weapons later, but for now… we’re the ones protecting_ them _._


	36. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU. A young Izumo meets an already awakened Rin

Later, she’d realise that she was first aware of him well before she first _noticed_ she was aware of him.

She’d feel like she was being watched, but not by who or where from. And so, she’d just assume it was one of Uke or Mike’s brothers or kits pulling a prank.

But then when she tried to dance and failed again, not cute enough, laughed at-

Another voice joined the foxes’. One that sounded human, or far more human than she was used to from them, at least.

“Hey! You! Get out here! Stop laughing at me!”

The laughter stopped abruptly, surprised.

“Sorry! But you haveta admit, you looked kinda silly like that!”

“I did _not_.”

“Yeah, you _so_ did.”

She stomped her foot in a temper, but just then a head descended from the branches of one of the trees. A head of dark, messy hair, bright blue eyes, mouth with sharp canines in grinning at her. More like a shark or a big cat than a fox.

“Silly can be cute, though! And we’re still kids, so I bet by the time we’re grown, it’s gonna be _awesome_.”

She stared at him. Normal people didn’t come out of trees, and normal people didn’t have pointed ears or teeth. They didn’t call her ‘cute’, either.

“I… I get told not to talk to strange demons, though,” she said, hesitantly. Because he might be strange, but he was… _nice_.

“Oi! I’m not a _demon_. Sure, I got a tail an’ all, but I’m not-“

“Well what do _you_ call it, then?”

“…uh…. Magic?”

Izumo sighed.

“Okay, then… but any funny business, and I’m telling! Any at _all_.”

“Got it!”

The boy jumped out of the tree, and she could see that yes, he did indeed have a tail that swooshed from side to side just like a cat’s. He was dressed in surprisingly normal clothes – jeans, a dark jumper, trainers – so he didn’t look much like a demon if she forgot about the tell-tale signs.

“I’ve gotta head back now anyway. My brother’s probably looking for me by now again…”

“Is your brother ‘magic’ too, then?” she asked wryly.

“Nah. He’s all boring and normal. Compared to us, anyway.”

“Us?”

“Well, sure. You’re magic too! Just. A different _kind_ of magic!”

He was definitely a _strange_ one, all right. But maybe her brothers would let her keep him around.


	37. Pen and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izumo had been told to write things down to get her feelings out by a therapist after coming back from the Illuminati. More things come out than she’d thought when she decides no one else will see it.

She couldn’t believe it. She was sat there, staring at a blank piece of paper and fiddling with a pen, clicking it on and off, and had been for the past fifteen minutes. It felt like more. And all this because some woman had told her to.

To be precise, ‘some woman’ happened to be one of the academy’s therapists, who also happened to be an exorcist herself; it was because of this that she’d been chosen to help Izumo readjust after coming back from being in the hands of the Illuminati.

She didn’t see what good this was doing her, though. None of the discussions seemed to be helping, although _apparently_ it was just because she kept ‘putting up more walls’.

And why not? How did she know she could even trust this woman?

Izumo was too well-versed in the art of betrayal, and too resigned to being betrayed, by now. Any walls that were taken down would be taken advantage of.

_Izumo-chan… at least be honest with your feelings._

Paku’s words echoed in her head, and she groaned, her head meeting the desk with a slight thud.

Fine. _Fine_. She’d do it.

But she’d _burn_ it afterwards.

But where to start? She found herself tapping the back end of the pen against her cheek with a frown, realising that once she actually intended to write something down, the unassuming piece of paper looked suddenly very daunting.

Then she realised – if she was only going to burn it later anyway, she could write _anything_. All of the little secret things she tried to keep from anyone and everyone. Things that were… well, hers.

_I like cute things._

There. It was a start, at least.

_I still want to pet Kuro. And I wish I hadn’t petted Mephisto, even if he WAS cute._

She shuddered, remembering. How was _she_ to have known it wasn’t actually a cute doggy?

The pen started tapping idly, doodling in the borders of the page. When she looked back at it, she realised belatedly that she’d written something else.

_Demon tails are fluffy, too._

She stared at the words until she remembered where they’d come from. It wasn’t even just one memory; it was several of them all at the same time, ever since Okumura had revealed himself. Okumura _Rin_ , that is.

The idiot was the kind to just leave his tail out whenever, _wherever_ , unless he absolutely had to. And when it just swung around like that, it tended to brush against people, especially when other people were moving around as well. Not to mention the times he’d started to run off and one of them had reached out for an arm but because he was so damn _fast_ , all they’d been able to grab at had been the tuft of his tail… resulting in a number of pain-induced noises.

They’d told him over and over that it was his own fault for moving before they’d done speaking, but he _was_ an idiot who couldn’t stay still for more than a few seconds at a time. So he kept on doing it.

And then there’d been the time when they were getting her out, when his tail had just wrapped itself around her while they were trying to remain hidden, and she’d not known what to do, because yet _again_ , there he was, trusting her with his most vulnerable point, not even considering that she might use it against him.

It had been soft, and so had the rest, but the tuft itself was like the fluff on the tail of one of the foxes back home.

He’d looked at her weirdly when she’d touched it, but she took her hands away quickly and pretended the pink on her cheeks from having been caught was from anger and adrenaline instead.

 _“You’re trusting me again!”_ she’d whispered as quietly as she could. _“I told you – when will you learn to see the other side of people? Are you really that dumb?”_

But he’d just _smiled_ at her.

In the present, she gripped the pen, hard, hard enough to feel her arm start to shake. Her eyes closed, because she didn’t want to see that stupid piece of paper any more.

_“None of that even matters right now, does it?”_

_“Of course it does! I kept this from you, all of you! I’m just as much a traitor as he is!”_

_“Well, where does that leave me, then? I kept the fact that I’m Satan’s kid from everyone. That mean any of us stopped being friends? Nah… well, at first, it was kinda… awkward, but we pulled through. And I’ve got you to thank for that!”_

_She’d sighed, wanting to bang her head against something, but unable to in case something or someone heard and came to investigate._

_“I only did that because I was sick of everyone being a damn hypocrite.”_

_He’d laughed. Just a little. But it’d been enough to rile her up again._

_“Yeah, but you still really helped me out! So this is my chance to return the favour.”_

He didn’t _care_. He really, honestly, didn’t _care_ , and even though he said he was the kind of person to just move forward without thinking, sometimes she just couldn’t believe him.

She moved the pen down to a new line.

 _I don’t deserve friends like these. I don’t deserve the chances they keep giving me. But they’re just the sort of stupid, too-good people who keep giving them to me_.

The paper was going to be destroyed later anyway, wet marks and all, so who even cared if something like that was written down?

Cold, she shivered, not realising how cold it had become. And had forgotten how out of date the heating was in the Okumuras’ semi-abandoned dorm that she was currently staying in.

 _It was warm when he held his arms around me back then_ , she remembered, not caring whether it had been because of natural body heat or his flames, and not really caring.

That one, she decided, wasn’t even going on the paper even if it _was_ going to be burned later.


	38. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything was over, the silence was all that was left. Implied/mentioned major character death.

It was the silence he didn’t think he’d ever get over, ever truly come to terms with.

The birds were still singing, the sun was still shining, he could tell that Rin was outside and waiting for him. The world was alive.

And yet, at the same time, it wasn’t.

He felt like it should be raining again. Perhaps when the sky opened up and washed it all away, he’d be able to feel like something was over, but for now, it felt wrong, disjointed, _silent_. In such a way that he couldn’t quite describe.

He was used to her. Used to her being there, a hand on his arm, even when she was old and tired and pretending not to be as tired as she was.

He was used to her being there in the same way that anyone else would be used to their arm, or their leg. The way he was now used to his tail. And now it felt like his tail had been cut off, the part of him that made him most vulnerable and brought him low, and the nerves hadn’t had a chance to grow back yet. So the pain had yet to start in earnest.

He was used to quiet times. Those were good, when he could rest and not have to worry about missions and noise and his brother and students.

The quiet times were behind him, now.

“Nii?”

Shiemi’s familiar looked up at him, confused.

“Come on, Nii-chan. Let’s go back into the sun, hm?”

The little greenman clambered up his arm and found its way up onto his ear… around the same place where he’d liked to perch himself on Shiemi, like a little flower in her hair.

She’d passed on looking up at the sun from the garden, while their eldest was tending the shop and no one else was around. She had looked up and smiled at him, touching his face, as she told him to keep looking for the garden… but not to follow her _too_ soon.

He hadn’t needed to explain, when they found him there still.

Even now, going outside of the small chapel, it felt too raw, too soon. Subconsciously he found himself listening in vain for one single word in her voice amid all of the people gathered, but nothing came.

He looked over at the garden she’d spent so much time in, put so much of her love into, and felt an ache, that he was so near, and yet at the same time so very far away.


	39. Under the Rain

It was… raining. Again.

Which in itself wasn’t all that big of a thing, really. It was November, and in Winter, if it wasn’t snowing or just generally being cold as anything, it’d be raining. Currently, it was a slick drizzle, drops coming down with a fat splat and being deceptive with how wet they were making you.

She found herself staring at it, realising where her thoughts were taking her only too late.

_I wonder how the rice fields are doing._

She’d never much bothered with it before. She’d only been interested in looking after Tsukumo, and trying to learn the dance so she could take over from her mother when the time came.

_Uke. Mike. I hope the rice fields are doing well – for you. I… wasn’t a very good master for you, was I?_

_Maybe if I had been, you wouldn’t have died._

She understood why, now. But that didn’t make it hurt any less, because annoying as they’d been, as disrespectful as they’d been, they’d still been her _brothers_. Her _family_.

And now, they were gone.

And without her familiars, what sort of an exorcist was she?

The rain continued to fall, but for some reason she couldn’t find the motivation to move out of it, even a few yards away to shelter.

The sound of her name, called from as if from a distance, was what finally caught her attention.

“Izumo-chan! Someone said they’d seen you out here, so I brought another umbrella!”

She stared at the thing being offered to her like it was about to bite her hand, which was silly, but then she realised that the fact that she was only hesitating because she was still wondering why Moriyama Shiemi was still trying to help her was stupid, too.

 _Just take the damn umbrella,_ _and have done with it._

She did so, but without a word. She wasn’t ready yet to say ‘thank you’, but refusing the kindness would have been seen as rude, and noticeable.

“Nii-chan and I like the rain because it waters the plants and it cleans the air, but it isn’t good for us to stay out in it, you know? Because, then we end up getting ill, and…”

Shiemi trailed off. Maybe because she’d noticed that Izumo had started to glare, despite the umbrella now being up and how they were heading toward Izumo’s dorm, at the mention of the other girl’s familiar.

“I- I’m sorry. If… if it’d been Nii-chan, then I’d be feeling awful too. But you don’t need to be alone! We’re all here for you!”

Izumo sighed, and picked up her pace.

“Weeds,” she found herself muttering under her breath. “They’re like weeds. Every single one of them.”

The more you tried to get rid of them, the more they came back at you. The more it rained on them, the stronger they were. They just wouldn’t _stop_. And they could be a right _pest_.

Then again, she realised as she was drying off, putting the borrowed umbrella somewhere safe, people thought of foxes as pests too, didn’t they?


	40. Kick in the Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shima and Yukio, waiting outside while their futures are being decided. Shima’s not, apparently, one to understand why ‘bullying the dragon’ is a bad idea.

He had to say, waiting was boring. Really… boring.

At least they had chairs, Okumura-sensei and him. Because otherwise they’d either have to stand up all the time, or sit on the floor.

It hadn’t even been a day since they’d got back from the Illuminati, and they hadn’t had a chance to change. At least when he’d travelled from the academy to the base, he’d been given his new uniform. Although… man, it seemed that was kinda damning, now. Because he was still _in_ it. Sensei was still in his roughed-up coat, too, and the rips and tears from zombies and other fights were more than a bit obvious, too.

Sensei had a book, too. _Lucky_ sensei. Because Renzou was, well, _bored out of his mind_.

The last time he’d got up and tried moving around, the guards at the door had started glaring at him. The last time he’d begun fidgeting, _sensei_ had started glaring at him, which was… arguably worse, really. If glares like that’d been bad before, and they’d been damn scary, then _now_ …

“Oi, sensei… you’re not really still mad at me, are ya?”

Okumura Yukio stilled, but only for a moment. Then, he turned the page, with almost _deliberate_ care.

Yeesh. He was getting the silent treatment still.

“Look, I outright _told_ you that wasn’t what I had planned. What with you an’ all the, uh…”

“Understood. And duly noted.”

 _Ouch_.

“However, your actions still nearly cost the lives of the entire class and myself, as well as others. Regardless of your intent or your orders. Despite your stated hatred of everything,” he said caustically, “I hope you feel that it was all worth it in the end.”

Renzou sighed, and rubbed at the back of his neck, where the small hairs there had started to stand on end – even though sensei hadn’t done anything more than _speak_.

Damn, the guy was _pissed_.

“Er… well, it turned out all right overall, didn’t it? So, yeah, I think so~”

He leaned back as far as he could without going off balance, and keeping an eye on sensei. It always did to keep an eye on him, and right now was definitely no exception, with the mood he was in.

Especially when his coat twitched like that. ‘Not a demon’, he’d always said. ‘My brother inherited the powers, not me’. Ha. What a _laugh_. The others must’ve been blind _and_ dumb not to have noticed before it became _this_ obvious.

He kicked the chair again out of yet more idle boredom when it seemed like sensei had gone completely back into his book, and was shocked almost into falling off of it when the book snapped shut, a green-eyed glare being sent his way.

“If it were up to me, you’d be getting a kick in the head and an expulsion – not only for the betrayal, but for several other behaviours that would take too long to list off. But it _isn’t_ , and as it is right now, if it were me doing it you’d currently end up with a brain injury, or no head at all. So it’s fortunate for you that I’m _not_ the one in charge of your punishment, or your future.”

Renzou forced himself to ease up his breathing and relax, rather than even so much as edge away. There wouldn’t be a scene here. It was too public. And sensei was too much the stickler for the rules. Or so he _hoped_.

Then sensei sighed, and some of the tension eased off, and he felt like maybe he could start to breathe properly again.

“In the end,” the other said, opening up the book again, “we were all pawns in other peoples’ games. Small pieces. No matter how powerful we think we are. My own situation might not be your fault, but your actions still gave Sir Pheles and the others an easy way to forward their plans and allow us to play into their hands.”

He stared for a good long minute, swinging back on his chair so that the front legs left the ground just a bit, and then laughed.

“Well, that sure is _one_ way of lookin’ at it~ Still, as long as it doesn’t involve too much trouble for me, I can’t really care where those plans take me.”

The door opened and someone from inside had a quiet word with one of the exorcists on guard duty. Then, Okumura-sensei was called over. Sensei stood, putting the book away, and started moving towards the door, pausing partway there.

“Don’t forget that if I’m still teaching after this, I’m not going to go easy on you. I know you’re smarter than you let on, now.”

“Ahaha, I’m counting on it~!”

He was smiling and waving on the outside, but on the inside he thought he felt himself drifting away to some other place.

_Ah, man… it’s gonna be hell. I just know it. Hell. With hellfire. On both sides. I’m doomed. Definitely doomed._


	41. I Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-anime. Some months on, and certain events from the past cause Yukio to freeze up at a critical moment.

“Plan’s _easy_ ,” Shura was saying. “Easy as pie. We use what we got – these two. Rin goes on one side with me, and Yukio goes with the others. It’s quick, so the moment it tries running from one of us, the other’s gonna get it. Sound good?” She was met by nodding heads and sounds of affirmation – from all but one person.

The demon they were hunting was a violent one that had been causing trouble for people for quite a while now. A single team of exorcists hadn’t been able to do a thing, but she’d suggested using the twins, and no one, so far, had objected.

Except that Yukio was staring straight ahead, _through_ her, as though she wasn’t even there even. The expression was actually kind of worrying, come to think.

“Oi, Yukio. What’s up. Spit it out.”

Yukio swallowed, and breathed in and out slowly, which made her narrow her eyes, sure that the worry wasn’t unfounded. The kid was too with and full of pride to let anything even be _seen_ to have got to him most of the time.

“Forgive me, everyone. I’m sorry. But I- I can’t.”

_What?_

Yukio didn’t say so much as a word more. He just walked off. As if it were just a training exercise and he could just _do_ that.

As she ran after him, she realised that, in the past two and a half months since the Gehenna Gate had opened over the school, she’d hardly seen him use those flames of his _at all_.

In fact, while Rin was just as confident with them as ever, Yukio…

_Damn it, I should have known!_

She’d been stupid and assumed he was simply better at hiding them, better at controlling them, better at not being as much of an idiot with them as his brother.

As it turned out, she was _wrong_.

“Oi, Yukio! The hell was with you back there?”

Yukio’s eyes darted to where she assumed Rin was, because of _course_ Rin was there. But after that, they wouldn’t focus on anything, as if trying to find some way to escape from the conversation entirely.

“What if I lost control? It’s clear that I still don’t trust the flames. And you’re trusting me in a high pressure mission like this?”

“If you doubted your capabilities, you should’ve said so before, not right at the last minute!”

“But – _it wasn’t a problem before!”_

“It isn’t even the fire really though, is it? Yukio?”

Rin surprised her by actually looking serious for once, although since it was his brother, he had every right to be.

Yukio swallowed, again looking wide-eyed at nothing. Rin’s hand appearing suddenly on his shoulder jolted him out of this, even if just a bit.

“Shura’s right, Yukio. You should’ve told someone. We can’t help you if we don’t know you need help, idiot!”

“I don’t-“

“Hell you don’t. You’re my little brother, you think I can’t tell when something’s wrong? If it really bothers you that much, we’ll figure out how to cope without you.” Rin squeezed his brother’s shoulder, for once clearly the elder of the two.

...

AN: I’d planned for there to be more, but it didn’t fit with the POV, or the fact that I’m absolutely shattered exhausted and can’t think straight. They’re only supposed to be around 100 words anyway, so this will do. I might follow up with a Yukio POV of this though, maybe…


	42. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Hints of suicidal thoughts, but… not really? Also possibly implied experimentation/torture. It’s left vague, though. No actual spoilers, although it could fit into the current arc.

Anything that could be considered to be a ‘light’ was so… very far away. The darkness was warm, numb, almost a friend.

In the darkness, he was far away from the pain, from the fear, the… rage. From everything he wanted nothing to do with.

But over and over again the tiny speck of light in the distance glimmered at him, flashing and winking and waxing and waning.

 _I’m here_ , it said to him. _You’re still alive._

He retreated further inside himself, not wanting to be dead, not at _all_ , but confused as well, because he wasn’t sure if ‘alive’ was what he wanted to be either, right now.

The darkness was warm, after all. It didn’t ask for anything, anything at all. He just had to... be. Exist.

The light grew paler. Dimmer.

Belatedly, he realised that the reaction he was having to this was _panic,_ because if the light went out, what did he have left? Would he exist? Would he be alive, even?

Just because he didn’t want to exist in this moment, didn’t mean that the next, or the one after that, would be just as bad.

 _Rin_.

Phosphorus, yes, that’s what the light looked like. But not… not exactly, was it? Because it was colder, paler, more like the morning sky after a night full of snow.

Instead of being warm, the darkness now was more like treacle or molasses, holding on to him, keeping him in its grasp.

_Rin!_

_Shiemi-san-!_

There was more a _sensation_ of reaching than anything, the feeling of an idea.

He didn’t want to die.

The thought echoed and circled around his mind until there was precious little room for anything else.

_I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die! I don’t care what happens otherwise but I don’t want to DIE!_

The light was in his grasp.

All he had to do would be to close his hands around it.

What was it they said again, in those movies? Go toward the light? Or was it to keep clear of it, as far away as possible? He couldn’t remember. In many ways, it didn’t matter anymore.

He opened his eyes, and the light remained. Still blue, although beyond that he could tell – through memory, or knowledge, or understanding, it didn’t matter which – that the walls were a stark white, that the lights were white, yellow, clean and medically hygienic.

There were bodies on the floor, but either in his mentally numb state or through simple lack of care, he slid off of the table he’d found himself lying on, gingerly balanced himself on his feet, a weight behind him steadying him gently as he did so, and walked past them.

Bit by bit, the light faded away, but it was close by. It would _always_ be close by, now. It would never leave him, and shivered at the thought of what would happen if it _did_.

_Cold. So cold._

How had he even thought that the darkness was _warm_? It wasn’t. It _wasn’t_.

He blinked, looking around, as reason came back to him slowly.

First things first. To find his clothes, instead of the hospital shift he’d been changed into – and he was trying to not think too hard about _that_ – and find his guns. If that failed, then find someone else’s.

Then, find Rin. Find Shiemi. Find the others.

One thing at a time. Take each step as it came. Because if he didn’t, if he stopped too long, if he thought too hard… he’d realise what the light was, what _he_ was, what had _happened_ back there-

And that, in these circumstances, was something he simply could not afford.


	43. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukio’s side to ‘I Can’t’. Can be read without the other and still make sense (I hope).

Shura’s words kept going over his head, despite all of his best efforts.

His fist clenched tight, causing there to be half-moon indentations in the palms of his hands, but even then, through the pain that reminded him that he was in the here and now and not in the past, the daylight shifted in his field of vision to a dark night time, lit up by a campfire.

It was made worse by the fact that Rin was there, by how they were hunting the beast.

Memory and reality mingled to the point where he was uncertain that he wouldn’t end up shooting at non-existent targets, and hitting his own team, his friends, his _brother_.

_“Oi, Yukio. What’s up. Spit it out.”_

His head spun, the owner of the voice, the words, belonging to different people, all asking him what the hell he thought he was _doing_.

It was no wonder she – he could tell it was her, after a moment, just about – could get that there was something inherently wrong with him. If his tail hadn’t been put away for the fight so that his vulnerable point wasn’t on display, then it would have been still, flicking only just so, his agitation even more obvious and plain.

_I can’t, I can’t-_

He had to, though.

_But I CAN’T._

He swallowed, hard. _Breathe._ If he didn’t control himself, then his panic would allow his flames to lose control, and that was the last thing _any_ of them needed right now.

_I need to, I can’t just abandon the team, I’m an exorcist, it’s my job, if I can’t do my job then what will they see me as good for? The youngest son of Satan-_

But ultimately, if he stayed, he’d be causing more damage than if he left. So his apologies were made with a brittle voice full of polite necessity, and focused the rest of his attention on leaving, making sure not to set fire to anything, making sure to keep his movements measured so that it might as well be that he’d forgotten to turn the oven off, not fled due to a panic attack.

 _That was you_ , the memory said, teasing at him with the sensation of the Paladin’s coat and tie still in his mind. _That was you, and so were the shots that ended the life of the forest’s protector._

_It was you again, when the gun was pointed at your brother._

_You. You promised to protect him. You. You hurt him._

_Exorcists are meant to protect people. When have_ you _ever protected_ anyone _?_

He hadn’t known when he’d started to run, or when he’d started to slow down again enough that Shura was able to grab onto his arm, but the memory, all of them, bombarding him one after the other, paralysed him from being able to shake her off.

_If I did, how far would she end up being thrown? How hurt would she be, because of my actions? Again?_

“Oi, Yukio! The hell was with you back there?”

A touch on his mind made him realise that they weren’t alone, that Rin was there, and he wasn’t sure if that made him feel better, or worse.

His emotions, the truth behind it all, was going to end up exploding at some point, because he’d never learnt, had he? He’d never learnt not to keep the things that were bothering him to himself.

He was _scared_. Trapped between what the exorcists expected of him, and what he’d been silently coping with all this time, sure that he could manage it on his own, the weight becoming worse and worse as time passed inexorably on.


	44. Creation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amaimon says hello to his as yet unborn nephew.

Shiemi was… well, to say she felt _nervous_ standing there with her belly under the Earth King’s scrutiny would be more than an understatement. But it was pretty much the best word to describe the anxious emotion, especially when the demon’s face was so expressionless, not letting on if he was happy, or angry, or sad, or… anything.

But- still! Getting worked up wouldn’t help her any!

She released the hold her teeth had on her lip, and smiled, as brightly as she could under the situation.

“Maa…” She jumped, just a bit, not expecting him to be the one who spoke first, and guiltily relieved for it, too. “So you and littlest brother really went ahead with it, didn’t you.”

“Mn! We haven’t decided what to call it yet, though, but- that makes it your niece or nephew, doesn’t it, Amaimon-sama?”

The Earth King didn’t so much as blink at the expected honorific, but extended one finger toward her.

She tensed, her memory bringing up the first time any of them had ‘met’ Amaimon – the time in the forest, although her own recollection of events was hazy and she only really knew what had happened from the others giving her pieces of the puzzle. But it was enough, to know that Suguro had been strangled, Koneko’s arm broken, Renzou thrown back, all just like _that_ …

But that was then, and this was now. They’d all been through so much. Although not all of them knew what had happened to any of the others to get them this far.

It was definite though, that all those years ago, she wouldn’t have even dared to stand in this spot for so long, allowing this-

He touched her, as if there was anything she _could_ have done against that, and there was nothing. Just a slight sensation where his finger was over her kimono, the sharper press of his clawed nail.

He took his hand away, looked back up at her, his face tilted slightly in what she could only assume was curiosity.

“You’re strange,” he ended up saying.

“E-eh? I am?”

“Mn. I can’t think of anyone who’d willingly go through that for _any_ of my brothers, or our father. You’re _very_ odd.”

Shiemi, despite herself, laughed, Nii relaxing enough to come out from his hiding place in her hair, but not far enough that he couldn’t hide again in seconds.


	45. Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU - what if Yukio hadn't become an exorcist, and had also never found out what the demons were.

He questioned himself, sometimes.

Back when he was younger, he could chalk it down to an overactive imagination, something off about his food, a lack of sleep causing him to see things. When he was younger, the adults around him would buy the excuses as to why he tripped, why he turned this way and that, nervous when there was _nothing there_.

But he wasn’t five years old anymore. He wasn’t even seven, or ten. He was fifteen. Rin thought he was being more subtle with his glares at anyone who dared to make fun of his little brother, but he caught them, every so often.

Sometimes, when he was especially frustrated, he took it out on his brother, telling him that he was _old enough_ by now, old enough to look after himself, that he wasn’t a weak crybaby any longer. He was a scholarship student, or he was going to be, and unless the fact that he seemed to see things that weren’t there was made public, then people didn’t pick on him nearly as much as they used to.

He always felt bad about it later. It wasn’t Rin’s fault, and he was only trying to help, in the only way he knew how. So most days, he just ignored it, and went on his way, pretending he didn’t hear the snickers behind his back, or the tension in his brother’s voice, pretend he didn’t know damn well that the new cuts and bruises on Rin’s knuckles were like as not down to a fight he’d picked because of _him_.

The rain was cold today, as he walked home, having started to fall unexpectedly, without enough warning for anyone to have picked up an umbrella. Maybe, if he was unlucky, he’d catch another bad cold, and that was the last thing he needed. Even if he didn’t get sick the way he used to when he was little.

He rubbed his hands together, looking away right at the moment when a blue spark danced from one hand to the other, like the start of a kindled fire, not quite doused by the downpour.

He’d been distracted by yet another apparition, but he shook his head, carried on walking.

They weren’t real, after all.

_Not real. Just keep telling yourself that. And one day, you’ll believe it, because somewhere deep down, that just doesn’t fit._

His shoulder was shoved, as though the other person didn’t even realise he was there. He turned to look, but – they were floating several feet away.

Heart now pounding with fear and adrenaline leaving him feeling far warmer than a few short minutes ago, he ran the rest of the way home.

_Maybe they’re all right – those people who talk behind my back. Maybe they are. Maybe I’m just insane, plain and simple, and no one thought to do anything about it._

Still. That had felt… all too real, back there.

Although maybe that was the insanity, making him feel things that weren’t real as well as see things that weren’t there.

_Maybe once I’m away from here, all the places I associate with it, I’ll get better._

He shivered, and realised that the adrenaline had gone, his feet having taken him home, his eyes staring at the gates for a moment before stepping foot inside, not understanding why some part of the tension dissipated the moment he did so.


	46. Misfortune

Yukio found himself staring at the sight before him, attempting to resist the urge to hold his head to stave off a headache.

He adjusted his glasses, but no – his brother was still standing, grinning like an idiot, in front of their dorm with a leash in hand.

The dog it was attached to looked somewhat like a Doberman, but as well as ears there were also two sharp horns on its head, and the ground it was standing on was starting to… was that _smoke_?

“No.”

“But Yukio, Mephisto said we could keep him!”

 _Oh, I’m_ sure _he did_.

“Nii-san, we are _not_ keeping a hellhound in our dorm. Especially not one that appears to have an affinity for fire, when the dorm is already only just holding up!”

The dog continued panting, and barked happily, not a care as to how much it was going to ruin things for them if it stayed.

“There, see? He likes you, Yukio!”

_This isn’t going to turn out well._

They _weren’t_ going to be able to keep it – whether Rin liked it or not, no matter how amused the Chairman was over the situation – and Yukio just _knew_ that it would be up to him to find a solution that would neither end up with their dorm’s destruction, or his brother convinced he hadn’t tried hard enough and had just wanted to get rid of the thing… even if he _did_.

Dogs, he didn’t mind.

Hellhounds, now that was an entirely different matter.


	47. Seeking Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major spoilers for chapter 60. Speculation (and potential AU) on what happens afterwards.

Seeking Solace

They were in a helicopter, and the noise of the blades keeping them in the air was enough to drown out the sound of the roaring flames that were consuming the Illuminati building down below.

Izumo was sat, knees up against her chest, back against the wall and a little – as far as was really possible in such a small space – away from the others. The ears were still showing, bright orange against her dark purple hair, and a single tail could be seen as well coming around the traditional clothes of the kamioroshi dance.

None of them had come out unscathed. Her problems were merely the most obvious.

Rin sat next to her, wanting to make Yukio spit out whatever had been bugging him even more than usual, but knowing his little brother was just going to clam up even more if he pushed.

“You don’t have to sit next to me, you know.”

He turned to her and gave her the best grin he could muster up.

“Hey, you can call it payback for that time on the train to Kyoto! Y’know, when you sat next to me!”

She shook her head.

“Idiot,” she said, with a watery smile. “Do you really think they’ll let me back in looking like this?”

“Sure they will!”

Izumo gave him a level look of complete disbelief in his naivety. Was this really even the same guy who’d got her out of there?

“I have _fox ears and a tail_ , Rin. Its’ going to be kind of hard to _hide_ these!”

As she spoke, she realised that he was staring at her, and a few moments after she’d finished speaking, she realised that his own tail had curled around him and was twitching from side to side the way it did when he was bored of trying to be patient with something. Her cheeks reddened at the obvious comparison, and she looked down, away.

“But I… I can’t just wear a hat all the time, and this can’t be hidden by tucking it under my _shirt_.” And it _definitely_ wouldn’t fit under the regulation school skirt, for that matter.

“Nah,” Rin said, not sounding particularly bothered, “it’s too fluffy. H-hey, I know! You could just hide the fact that it’s attached and pretend to anyone who sees that you’re a cosplayer! The school could help figure out a reason why you can, too!”

She couldn’t help it. She lifted her head only to rest it on the wall of the helicopter behind her, careless of the juddering vibrations. Really, that was-

“Okumura, that was the stupidest thing I’ve heard in ages – and you,” Suguro said, now looking at Izumo, “don’t you go thinking you can go slinking off alone just because of this! We came here to get you, and can be damn sure we’re all gonna graduate as exorcists, so don’t let something like this stop you!”

To tell the truth, she’d only wanted to be an exorcist in order to get stronger, so she could control the nine-tails. Well, that plan had either failed spectacularly or succeeded a bit too well, but instead of dampening her spirits, the thought reminded her of the reason she’d realised why she still wanted to live and be saved in the first place.

 _It wasn’t too late after all. I’ve still got you._ She found herself smiling, and pointedly ignored Rin when he asked if she was okay. _Maybe… maybe as long as I’ve got you guys and Tsukumo, things might be all right._

...

AN: Also partly inspired by Usagi and Gale’s Necromancer Kiryu AU, where Yuusei is consumed/becomes a part of the Earthbound God Ccapac Apu, which is made up of many souls. Except then when it threatens his friends, he _eats it_ , meaning he’s taken its place. Here, Izumo has sort of taken the nine-tailed fox’s place. Or got enough residual to be permanently changed.


End file.
